I’m Going Back To My First Love. 

I feel like I’ve fallen…  I feel like I’m not doing what I should do. I feel kind of like a sell out. I kind of feel like I’m just going through the motions… (dramatic, I know) 

But when I first started my blog, my inspiration, motivation, and purpose for it was to glorify Jesus and be obedient to the calling he put on my life. 

And I have yet to only write two (TWO?!) faith based posts. I’m a little ashamed that I think product reviews are more important than writing about the only thing that really matters to me: Jesus.

Of course, it’s okay to write about other things like makeup, wellness, reviews, etc… but I never wanted that to be my main and only focus. And now it seems like that is all I can write about… why?… 

To be honest, the whole blogging world is way different than I expected. (I say this in a good way and a bad way.) 

It’s different than I expected in a good way because it’s so rewarding. When I receive good feedback, I get so encouraged. Being able to connect with others is simply amazing. It’s good because it has been the biggest learning experience that I’ve had in such a long time. It’s good because I feel like I’m in my happy place when I blog. I’m so happy that I finally started my blog. 
Having your blog and making sure you don’t neglect it is hard work. It takes TONS of time, and there’s so much to do and it seems impossible to do it. (Especially when you started your blog from the ground up alone like I did). But its still so rewarding. 

This blogging experience of mine has not been what I had expected in somewhat a negative way because I allowed myself to get caught up in what I think others want to see and read… I got caught up in the excitement and desire to monetize and make money from my blog that I truly forgot what I really enjoy writing about. 

This “fun hobby” where I could write whatever I want whenever I want turned into this pressure filled job where I focused too hard on affiliates and ads and schedules, and lost focus on the whole purpose of my blog. 

I allow myself to get discouraged quickly. When I don’t see the growth I want to see or when I don’t get the reaction that I wanted on a post, it’s easy for me to think “forget it!” 

My energy is pouring into this when it should be pouring into the Lord. 

I’ve read plenty of other blog posts and I’ve read countless posts about “How to grow your blog” or “How to monetize and make more money from your blog”…. but I haven’t really read much of Gods Word. 

I haven’t prayed as much as I’ve spent time on social media. I haven’t dedicated my time to bible study, serving, and sharing the gospel with others. I’ve been selfish about my time and my intentions with this blog. 
Maybe my faith posts are slim to none because my relationship with Jesus feels like it’s slim to none… I’ve distanced myself and haven’t done anything about finding my way back to Him. 
Have you ever gone through such a dry spell in your walk? Have you focused too much time and energy on the wrong things that you don’t realize you are walking further and further away from God? 

I didn’t realize I was walking further away from God until I felt like my life was missing something; I was exhausted, feeling unsatisfied with all things that wrote and did, I was feeling just “bleh”…

My life doesn’t feel like my life if I’m not living it daily for Jesus. My days  really don’t stay filled with joy if I’m not starting my days by getting on my knees to pray. 


I’m tired of the envious and superficial life I have been living lately- wanting to look like and appeal to my friends and readers like so many other bloggers out there. 

Being obsessed with the crisp and clean colored themed feed on Instagram… indulging in how others display their lives… it’s all just a waste of time.

As a “Christian blogger”, I want to attract y’all to Jesus and the Grace that has won my heart and saved my life.. I realize I haven’t been doing that one bit. 

This truth hit me like a brick wall when I was reading Revelation 2… 

“Nevertheless I have this against you, that you have left your first love. Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent and do the first works, or else I will come to you quickly and remove your lampstand from its place—unless you repent.


“He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes I will give to eat from the tree of life, which is in the midst of the Paradise of God.” ’”

‭‭Revelation‬ ‭2:4-5, 7‬ ‭NKJV‬‬


It is so easy to get caught up in the world when we are being like it daily. It’s easy to fall into worldly traps of trying to impress others and being envious of those who seem to have  it all… getting caught up in all of that is something that I’m ashamed of and want to turn away from. 

But in order to turn away from being like the world, we have to turn to Jesus and fully surrender it all to him… (Romans 12:2) 

Surrender it all to him”… has a nice sound to it… but it’s actually so hard for a sinful and selfish person to do.., (I should know.) 

We say we want to surrender it all to Jesus,… (but let me keep all the things that bring me happiness like my car, house, fancy iPhone and laptop… let me keep the money I make from the job I have…But AFTER all that, I surrender all Lord..) 

👆🏻Does that sound familiar at all? It does for me, because sadly, that is me and the way of thinking that I’ve gotten used to… 

My true desire is to give it all to Jesus and have nothing to hold onto but HIM… and I want to be okay with that. 

I don’t want to stray from faith and christian writing in fear of less views or less approval from readers… we are told to be unashamed of the gospel! (Romans 1:16) 

So I’m here to give it all up to Jesus and go back to my first love which is HIM. I pray that my faith and walk grow from this point on and that all my growth is reflected here on my blog and in my daily life… 

I still plan to write about other things that I care about, but I will never make that a priority over writing about Jesus. 

To start fresh on getting my priorities and purpose straight, my next blog post will be my testimony and how I came to know Christ… so be on the lookout for that! 


Thank you so much to those that continue to read and encourage me! I love y’all so much!! 

Blessings, 

Olivia💜

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4 Comments

  1. I was reminded of the song ,”Prone to wander, Lord I feel it.Prone to leave the God I love” I have no monetary gain from my blog yet, but I felt so much pressure about the color and pattern to use to get pins that I got overwhelmed and distracted from what I was called to do.

    So thank you for this honesty, resonated with me

    Diana

  2. Amen! Thank you for your vulnerability! What an honest post and conviction! Its so easy to get caught up in the hype and taxing work related to blogging. Amen! Amen! So glad you are back to your first love. Apart from Him we can do nothing!

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